Jonny No Stars

This is dull so I wouldn't bother if I were you. I just felt like writing it.

But the choice is yours, as I have chosen to seek damnation for once and for all.

The phrase " Jonny No Stars", much as I love it, is not my invention.

I was at 6th form college, being my usual self; sport and nothing took precedence over lessons and here I was, allowed to run free (never a good idea). I was being pressured by my mother to 'get a job' and I knew some people who worked at McDonald's; then still quite new to my town. So I got myself a job.
I got the lovely uniform, the (then) paper cap and the green badge. No stars.
After 2 weeks of obnoxious people and my face unnaturally tanned from its permanent state of red, I left.
After another 2 weeks pennniless, I went back. No-one noticed.
After another 2 weeks I left. Properly this time.

I was subjected to a speech by one of the assistant managers, a 23 year old who now is probably very successful (in McDonald's) about my "lack of respect for authority". A recurring theme? Perhaps. But at that time, inept though I had been, I had, as far as I was aware, not shown any of the characteristics that would lead to his conclusion.

Was I unpopular, the geek, the one in black, all alone? No. Such things did not exist in my world. In fact, I was probably just...me. And I could have attained a modicum of popularity, had it ever occurred to me and been worthwhile, I think. Not dumb, not too crap at sport, not spotty and so on, I was the middle man that got missed out.

I have known many people actually. And always there was ... still is, though much less so now than before, ...distance. I would sit with my schoolmates, my teammates but I was never with them. Not fully. Often only a few per cent, but it sufficed for the task and they were often not so questioning as to think to look beyond 'suffice'.

I was too young for school. I think in a few years, maybe, I might realise its benefits, but for now...

At work. One of the places I worked that I hated. If it didn't start off that way, it became so eventually. I receive an email. New slang and its definitions.

e.g. " Aeroplane blonde. Blonde on top, but she's got a black box and a landing strip.", from memory.

The other one was JNS. This was something like: "The muppet who works at McDonald's and has no stars on his badge." You will know the implications, so...

I laughed. Not only because it was so funny, but because it had been, no was, me.

Years later, I was finally christened, and by my own choice.


Part Two.

Jonny doesn't really do much. He would rot in my mind, but as I don't have one.... One day I come up with one idea out of the many that just come to me. Often when I ought to be working, doing what I was paid for.

Think! How many McDonalds' are there around the world? Loads! Don't they all work pretty much the same way? Yes. Standardised working practice must be the norm. Well then...have you guessed. What a great way to work your way round the world! Once you've got the skill set (apologies for the business-speak, btw) all you need is a modicum of language skills (and aren't these going to be in English often, anyway, knowing McD's?) and you're away! Not for me, of course, I was no longer a tall, gangly, gormless teenager (I was no longer a teenager, the rest still applies, please!!!) but for others.

Not much of an idea, but it got me thinking. Or rather feeling. The urge to travel. Properly, as someone living in a country, not just visiting. Wanderlust. Another word, I love. So evocative. So true. And so deeply-rooted within me. So I resolved to 'get off my fat arse' and do something about it. When a my studies had finished.

And after it being suggested that I might want to 'consider leaving' work, no questions asked (contentious? moi? no. worse. by that time.) and given that it almost coincided with my stalled, going nowhere plans I acquiesced provided the system was played so that I could get my acl repaired.

Still doesn't explain JNS fully. That's easy. I like my anonymity and image (though not mine) often gets in the way of the message. And, most importantly, it was a piss-take; I was jonny-no-stars in many ways. So I enjoy it. Celebrate who I am.