Catechism II - Search

Someone said something recently about wanting the someone who'll tick all the boxes, "The One", when it comes to what do people really look for in a ... mate.
Basically, this is someone who fits the ideal: mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

The ideal we know doesn't exist, or shouldn't; isn't that the purpose of an ideal?

So we hanker for the ideal. But we settle for what works. After all, we're not ideal ourselves, are we?

But there are still boxes to be ticked: tight buns, nice smile (maybe that's enough?); smart, funny, good dress sense (getting picky now, are we?); a good husband/wife, someone who'll be there for you when..., someone you can give yourself to completely, uninhibitedly (but isn't all of that to be 'expected', anyway?).
I have two slightly alternative ways of looking at the box-ticking thing and will usually respond when asked about it:

(she's got to be...)

"Irresistible. Cause if I can resist, I will."

or

"I'm just looking for an open door, one that'll make me peek inside. And I'll see darkness. Can't see the walls...hmmm. Ceiling? Nope. Floor? Nope. I'll step inside and fall....".

And so we look towards the setting sun, romance in our hearts.
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When I possessed the Wisdom of Youth, I came up with another version: reality. A simple premise. Everyone likes a pleasant, fun, good situation and anyone in that situation who is pleasant, etc is well,...good. No?

Which, as y'all know, don't tell you Jack.

Cause it's not real. Real is the stuff you ignore cause it irritates you or is just plain commonplace, so you don't even notice it.

And now and again, it's the good stuff - all the good stuff. Yummy!

Me? I like to look for the real first: you can always create the unreal later; after all, that's how it comes about anyway, isn't it?

Having a bad time with someone, even (perhaps) inducing a small degree of mental pressure in them and yourself helps you see someone in their true colours and shows you in yours. (That was the theory, anyway - I'd forgotten it until recently). So I like arguments, or "debates" with people: "Why do you think that? Is that right? How so?" and people need challenging, anyway. I do like debates anyway, but part of me still thinks that getting them in early is a good way to see what someone's got in their arsenal: what they can take. And give.
Cause if you can't give....
If I want a doormat; I'll buy one.
Argue. It's good for you.
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But. Strangely enough. No-one else agrees with that! (Dammit! Was all that hard work in vain?)
Which means a change in direction. I'll still think about the irresistible and the open door: they possess a grain of truth in them.
But I'm getting older, (it says here) and so I will have a choice to make. Do I either follow that elusive dream that promendades upon the horizon or dive right into the barrell marked 'mistakes'? It's not like I don't make them often enough anyway.
I'd like to think I have a while yet to make a decision but I can see it'll happen one day. At the over 50's club, I think. Any later than that and people just think you've outlived someone or you're waiting for your grandchildren to visit.
And when they ask that question, I'll reply: "I'm just waiting for the right mistake.", and smile.